apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Randomize
