I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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