You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
