so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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