I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
