remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Girls should come with a carfax report
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
