In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
