this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
