Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
