I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
