yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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