I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
