May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
