Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
