shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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