Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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