Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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