i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
