I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
