im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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