Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I came so hard my ears popped.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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