Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
