we have pet lesbian snakes
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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