Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Be still, my beating vagina.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Randomize
