I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
