In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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