I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
