im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
