While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
