Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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