like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
