very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
