i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
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