I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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