THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
pop tarts are not kleenex
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
