do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize