My nipple is on Facebook.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
