I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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