Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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