Can i not drive my cunt home
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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