Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize