Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
