just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
