My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
