people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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