Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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