First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
