She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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