so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
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And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
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I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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