i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
