Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
