Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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