a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
