Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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