I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
