he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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