this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
