Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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