OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
