We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
organizing the empties. That sober.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
