i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
