this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He better not be in your backpack
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
