I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
