Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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