her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
