Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
