Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
