Jerry, you need to find god
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize