Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
