so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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