I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
