Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
