i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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