I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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