dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
