my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
