I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
